The Devil's Dictionary

May I introduce you to The Devil’s Dictionary? It’s a delightful collection of witty definitions compiled by Ambrose Bierce between 1881 and 1906. It was first published in 1906 as The Cynic’s Word Book, since the then publishers baulked at the reference to man’s Chief Adversary.

Here’s a sample of some of Bierce’s whacky descriptions:

A Funeral, he says, is ‘a pageant whereby we assist our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker, and strengthen our grief by an expenditure that deepens our groans and doubles our tears.’

Abrupt means: ‘Sudden, without ceremony, like the arrival of a cannon-shot and the departure of a soldier whose interests are most affected by it.’

Plunder is ‘to take the property of another without observing the decent and customary reticences of theft’.

How `bout some definitions appropriate for our Indian context? I’ve come up with a few.

Indian men: Alpha males, all of them…in their dreams. That’s why it’s so hard for them to accept rejection: which woman would not want God’s gift…?

Government servants: That peculiar class of officials who believe that public service begins with service to self and, preferably, ends the same way.

Road Rage: the most common method of settling disputes arising from accidents and other mishaps on the road, requiring nothing more than fists and stones. Lessens the burden of the Traffic Police since the aggressors don’t and the victims can’t press charges.

You can get a free copy of The Devil’s Dictionaryas an ebook from Gutenberg Press.