More Working Woman's Wonders: Exam policing, leaky roofs and magical chairs!

                                               Addressing the staff on Independence Day

Haven't posted anything in a while since this year's been busy.

I’ve had the unique experience over the past two months of conducting a Departmental Examination. Besides setting question papers, my office was entrusted with doing everything else from screening the candidates’ applications, to choosing the venue, safe custody of question papers, despatching answer sheets and other sundry matters. I employed all kinds of methods to ensure secrecy from using a decoy safe for important papers and setting up CCTV at the exam halls. We also had a meeting with the invigilators a few days before the exam and warned them against helping any candidate.

“But, Madam,” one invigilator said, “Many of the candidates are my friends.”

“If the situation arises and you’re tempted to help your friends, please remember, it’s either your job or theirs," I said, "Which one will you choose?”

When the invigilators trooped out of my office, my driver overheard a couple of them conveying the message to their friends over the phone: “Be careful. No scope for cheating. Things are very strict here; they’ve even got CCTV at the venue.”

As a result of our efforts, forty candidates opted out of the exam! That’s India for you.

Exam over, it was back to work as usual. Monsoon time and one day when it poured heavily, the roof of my sub-office started leaking. Had to since there’s a hatch that leads to the roof with a metal ladder attached to it. Needless to say, the hatch never closes properly. When I stepped out of my room, I found water gushing from the third floor to the ground floor. The sweeper was trying in vain to wipe it up. I called my officer in charge of administration, and a small crowd gathered, as we all stared up at the leaky roof.

“This is ridiculous. Does it happen every time it rains?” I asked.

“Yes, Madam.”

“So, what are you going to do about it?”

No response. Everyone gazed at the offending hatch as if a solution would present itself.

“Maybe you could find a way to close the hatch properly?”

Everyone brightened. Clearly, the thought hadn’t struck them. And there they stood, with water falling in buckets, discussing how to plug it! I returned to my room, fetched an umbrella, and made my way down the staircase, warning them:

“I’m not going to visit until you solve this problem.”

Only after getting into the car did I realize it wasn’t the most effective ultimatum. Now, they had every reason to delay the repairs!

Meetings, seminars and conferences are the cornerstones of government work. I have a fully equipped conference room but sometimes, when there are only a few visitors, I choose to meet them in my office chamber. But this presents certain logistical problems to my staff. Particularly if the peon is new or nervous. I was expecting six people for a meeting one morning. The peon came in all flustered and announced that they’d arrived.

“Okay, send them in,” I said. “But, first, don’t you think we need more chairs?”

There were only three opposite my desk.

The guy frowned and scratched his head, unable to find a correlation between the number of chairs and number of future occupants of the said seats.

I decided to go through it slowly.

“How many chairs do you see?” I asked.

“Three,” he said.

“Very good. Now, tell me, how many people will there be for the meeting?”

“Six.”

“Plus, our own officers? Shri So and So. Two more people? And my steno to record the minutes?”

“Yes, Madam,” he said with a satisfied look.

“Great. So, could you bring in some more chairs?”

“Yes, Madam.”

He ducked out of the room and returned soon after with two chairs. And then some more…and the chairs kept coming and coming. Wooden chairs, plastic chairs…until there was barely standing space. Talk about chairing a meeting…